Reading Time: 4 minutes
Let’s say I arrive at Starbucks for my morning coffee. This affair usually takes 5 minutes. Well unbeknownst to me, today it will take 10 minutes. This doesn’t truly become a problem until around minute 5. Normally I would be carving my way out of the drive-thru, but right now I’m still behind an excessively large SUV with an entire cheerleading team bouncing around inside. This is going to take a while . . .
I mean those kids don’t even need coffee. Their activity requires the cognitive load equal to that of a donkey walking in a straight line. Plus they can’t even appreciate a good coffee like I can. It’s that damn mother’s fault. What type of cranial cob-webbed slut would take these children to have their bodies shocked with this adult only elixir? People like this shouldn’t be allowed to have kids let alone drive Transformer-sized vehicles. People should have to take an I.Q. test before having kids. That way we wouldn’t — Hello! Yes, I’ll have a mocha choka latte yaya.